Walking Away With Love

I showed up at Al-Anon's door a month after my wife and I separated. I went once prior, but she expressed her disenchantment at my doing so.

When I had met my lovely wife-to-be, she told me she was an alcoholic trying a "detox" program. Though she no longer drank, she was not in a Twelve Step program. As a non-drinker, I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was like giving up smoking; when you do, your lungs clear up and all is well.

After a whirlwind, long-distance courtship, we married. I soon found out there was a big difference between being dry and being sober. We were not young newly weds; I was 49 and she was 44. I figured I could fix this problem—this "Jekyll and Hyde" behavior of hers. The changes in mood were blindingly sudden. I found myself drawn into arguments and didn't know how I got there. All my life I'd been a non-confrontational person. Of course, without Al-Anon, I would never know about this diabolical disease.

No great crisis led to my decision to leave, though I'd lost weight, become nervous, and even developed a stutter. One morning I simply said, "I can't do this anymore."

Our marriage lasted only 14 months. I was devastated over its failure. I still love this lady. It was Al-Anon that taught me to love the person but hate the disease.

I walked away from a marriage I wanted so dearly. Wherever she is, I pray she is well. My peace and serenity comes and goes, but my program is always there. I work it, like so many others—one day at a time.

By David S. Florida

August 2001