What is Al-Anon?

Al-Anon Family Groups is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope with each other in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family disease and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. More....

What is the Al-Anon program?

The Al-Anon program is a fellowship of members who Share their experience strength and hope with each other. The Al-Anon program is a way of life adapted by members by attending Al-Anon meetings and applying the Twelve Steps of Recovery and other Al-Anon tools and ideas to their daily lives. Many have found the help they need to deal with the effects of living with or having lived with the alcoholism of another, by living the Al-Anon program. Reading Al-Anon books and pamphlets and sharing with other Al-Anon members helps to develop an understanding of alcoholism and the effects it has on those close to the alcoholic. Al-Anon members recognize their powerlessness over the disease of alcoholism and focus instead on their own physical, emotionally and spiritual well being that consequently lead to improving their lives.

Who are the members and why are they here?

Members are all kinds of people from all walks of life: wives, husbands, lovers, sisters, brothers, children and parents of alcoholics. No matter what our relationship has been with a problem drinker, we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been deeply affected by another person's drinking. We come together for mutual help by sharing our experience, strength, and hope.

Is Al-Anon right for me?

Please go here for more information and questions to determine if Al-Anon is right for you.

How will it help me?

If you are troubled by someone else's alcoholism, whether they are still drinking or not, Al-Anon can help. You will probably hear about a situation much like your own. If you don't find someone with the same set of circumstances, you may still be able to identify with the way many of us feel about the effects of alcoholism on our lives. We are all individuals striving to become the best people we can, each in our own way. That way is not the same for each of us, but there is help for everyone whose problem is alcoholism in others.

How long has Al-Anon been in existence? 

Al-Anon has been offering hope and help to the families and friends of alcoholics since 1951. Al-Anon / Alateen has approximately 31,000 groups in 112 countries.

What is Al-Anon's purpose?

Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.

Is Al-Anon part of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)?

No. Al-Anon is a separate fellowship established to meet the needs of those whose personal lives are, or have been adversely affected by someone else's drinking. Al-Anon, like AA, stresses confidentiality and the anonymity of its members. (Al-Anon, you and the Alcoholic P-2)

Who can be a member of Al-Anon?

Anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else’s drinking is qualified and can attend Al-Anon meetings. The only requirment for membership is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.

Will Al-Anon improve my life?

It can. As we begin to apply the Al-Anon ideas, by focusing on ourselves and our recovery, we begin changing ourselves and our own lives. Al-Anon provides us with a simple step-by-step approach to rebuilding our lives and our self-confidence in an atmosphere of unconditional love. As we continue working the Al-Anon program, we are able to maintain our serenity and sanity, our positive attitudes and spiritual health while we apply the Al-Anon principles in all of our affairs. The changes in our lives will not happen over night, but each in our own pace, as we come to learn and live the Al-Anon program “one day at a time”, will find that living the Al-Anon program enriches and improves our lives. more...

Al-Anon is an anonymous fellowship. According to Al-Anon Eleventh and Twelfth Traditions, anonymity is an important principle of the Al-Anon program. The identities and sharing of members are to be kept in strict confidence, as well as the identity of all Alateen and AA members. We can carry the message but not the messenger. More about Anonymity...

Will anyone say I've been here?

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our program. It provides a safe place for members to share. We use first names and last initials. We do not talk about the people we see, or repeat what we hear at meetings. We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon/ Alateen and AA members.

What if someone who knows me is at my meeting?

Al-Anon members practice anonymity. It helps us to feel safe and secure and know that we can share our experience, strength, and hope without having everyone in the world know it too. Other Al-Anon members will maintain that anonymity until you let them know otherwise. It's not uncommon for an Al-Anon members to see one another in the store and not talk to each other, in order to protect their anonymity.

How do I find a meeting?

To find a meeting in Suffolk County, please visit our meeting list for meeting locations and times. You can also call our phone service 1-800-766-5079. For Meetings located in other NY areas or Nationwide, please check our Contact page for contact information.

What is the purpose of anonymity?

Although many people know that alcoholism is an illness, there are others who make harsh judgments about alcoholics, their families and their friends. For that reason, many Al-Anon groups make it a practice to assure all present at a meeting, especially the newcomers, that their anonymity will be respected. This also applies to sharing between members not during meetings. Everyone is asked to respect the anonymity of all Al-Anon members, as well as the confidentiality of their sharing. Personal anonymity, as well as confidentiality of members sharing in our program, creates a safe place to get help. We often say, “Whom you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.”

Where are the meetings held?

Al-Anon meetings are available all across the country and around the world. Meetings are generally held at local schools, churches, hospitals or other private rooms that a group may rent. Each group will meet at a regular place, same day and time each week. Please check our meetings list for specific locations in Suffolk County. For nationwide meeting locations, please call 1-888-4AL-ANON

Do I just show up at a meeting?

Yes, just show up. You don't need to inform anyone or tell someone in advance. If you have a question about a particular meeting, and have to speak to someone before you show up, please call the WSO at 1-888-4AL-ANON and ask if they have a contact person for that particular meeting you can call.

What meeting is right for me?

The only way to find that out is to attend several different meetings. Any member can attend as many and any Al-Anon meeting of their choosing. Some group meetings are designed specifically to for specific segment such as Women's Group, Adult Children, Parents, Gay & Lesbians, etc., however, any members who does not necessarily identify with that specific segment can still attend these meetings. In addition, all meetings are basically the same but they have their own flavor because each group is autonomous as to how they run a meeting, and what members attend it regularly. Some meetings will be specific such as a Step Meeting, open/closed meeting, speakers meetings etc. So try several. We suggest that you try at least six meetings before you decide whether or not Al-Anon is for you.

Beginners' Meetings

Beginners' Meetings introduce newcomers to the Al-Anon program and acquaint them with the Al-Anon tools of the program. Newcomers find help more readily if their introduction to the program is simple. They are being led by an experienced Al-Anon member who explains alcoholism as a disease with far reaching effects. Newcomers can ask questions about the Al-Anon program and are given information such as a meeting list, a "Beginners' Packet", and a members' phone list. It is suggested that the newcomers try six meetings before deciding if Al-Anon is right for them.

Should I identify myself as a newcomer?

It is a good idea to introduce yourself as a newcomer using only your first name. This way we can provide you with some Al-Anon literature about the effects of the disease of alcoholism and after the meeting, answer any questions that you may have.

What could I expect at my first meeting?

At our group meetings, we share our experience, strength, and hope with one another, keeping the focus on ourselves and the Al-Anon tools of recovery. There is no requirement to share. By concentrating on our feelings and attitudes toward our situation – rather than on the details of the situation – we contribute to the group’s unity and our recovery. We talk about how the disease of alcoholism has affected our thinking and behavior. We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives.

Do I have to say anything?

If you wish to speak, please do. If you would rather sit and listen, that's all right, too. There are no musts in Al-Anon. We try to listen to each other with an open mind. We also say, "Take what you like and leave the rest."

How are meetings set-up?

All meetings start at a specific time; most last about an hour or so; some have no formal closing time. You can come into a meeting or leave anytime you choose. The Meeting opening is read, then introductions by first name, we may read the steps/traditions and other selected readings (each group varies) followed by Al-Anon/Alateen related announcements and them the program itself. The program may include a specific topic for discussion and sharing or a speaker who shares their experience strength and hope with the group. When the meeting ends, the suggested Al-Anon closing is read and at times the group will recite the Al-Anon declaration or another prayer of their choosing.

Each group also have members who rotate service positions within the group. These positions may be: Chair person, topic person, literature, hospitality, treasury etc.

I didn't like a meeting, what do I do?

There is no requirement to keep going to the same meeting. You may want to try other meetings in your area until you find one that you like. Eventually you will find one that will help you in your recovery.

How many meetings a week do I need to go to?

How many meetings you attend is a personal decision. You may go to as many as you like. It is a personal preference of each member. If you are still not sure, you may also discuss it with other members or your sponsor who can help you determined what is right for you.

What is the difference between an open and closed meeting?

Closed meetings are for Al-Anon members only. According to Tradition Three, the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Open meetings are open to anyone who is not necessarily a member, including professionals and others who are interested in attending an Al-Anon meeting. If you are considering attending your first meeting and have been affected by the disease of alcoholism, do not let the designation of open or closed meetings deter you from attendance. You will be welcome at either.

What's a speaker meeting?

An Al-Anon group may decide to devote part of their meeting to an invited individual who tells their story of how they came to Al-Anon and how the program has helped them.

This is a common occurrence for newcomers. After the meeting, feel free to ask someone to clarify the language. Reading Al-Anon conference approved literature can also be helpful.

Will Al-Anon make me feel less shut off from old friends and interests?

The Al-Anon program is a self-help, self-work program, and it will enhance your life in your own individual way. Through Al-Anon, you may gain the assurance to resume some former activities and/or find new interests. It is an individual choice with whom you decide to form friendships. Many Al-Anon members will form new friendships with Al-Anon members who understand our problems.

How much does Al-Anon cost?

"There are no dues or fees in Al-Anon and Alateen meetings. Most groups pass a basket for voluntary contributions. Members are asked to contribute what they can afford, so that the group can pay rent, provide literature, and offer support to local and worldwide service centers." (www.al-anon.org)

How is the Al-Anon group supported?

Al-Anon is self-supporting, through voluntary contribution from the group members. Usually a basket will be passed around during a meeting and the funds collected by the groups' treasurer. Each group collections are used to pay for rent, refreshments, Al-Anon literature and other group expenses.

How is the Al-Anon and Alateen organization financed?

According to Al-Anon's seventh tradition, Al-Anon is fully self-supported by voluntary contributions from members. Al-Anon/Alateen groups or any of its service arms (including the Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service), do not accept any outside funding or contributions. There are no dues or fees, Al-Anon and Alateen members make voluntary contributions to cover group expenses, and make donations to Al-Anon/Alateen various service arms. Al-Anon/Alateen also support itself from the sale of their publications.

Where do I sent a donation.

Al-Anon does not accept donations from outside interests, but Group and Member donations are gratefully accepted, and help us support the local Information Service Office. To mail group and member donation to the Al-Anon Suffolk information Service, please check our contact page for the mailing address.

Who is responsible for the group?

We all are. We elect group officers to serve for short periods of time, perhaps three months to a year. In giving service to Al-Anon, as part of our recovery program, members volunteer to lead meetings, set up the room, display the literature and fill other group needs. Some service positions can be held by newcomers while others suggested to be held by more experienced members.

Is this a religious fellowship?

Al-Anon/Alateen is a spiritual fellowship, not a religious one. Members of any faith, or none at all, are welcome. It is against our traditions for an Al-Anon group to affiliate itself with specific religious beliefs. The Al-Anon program is based on the spiritual idea that we can depend on a "Power greater than ourselves", but each one of us is free to define that power in our own terms and in our own way.

Is Al-Anon a self-help program?

Yes, Al-Anon is a self-help program by non-professionals. We consider Al-Anon a mutual support group. As stated in the Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps: “The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems.”

What are the Twelve Steps?

"The twelve Steps are the essence of our program, the underlying principles upon which all recovery in Al-Anon is based. In a way, they are the "how to" guide that helps us find answers". (How Al-Anon Works). Click here to read more about the Twelve Steps. 

What are the Twelve Traditions?

The Traditions bind us together in unity. They guide the groups in their relations with other groups, with AA, and the outside world. They recommend group attitudes toward leadership, membership, money, property, public relations, and anonymity. Click here to read more about the Twelve Traditions.

What is "Sharing" during a meeting?

When Al-Anon/Alateen members share their experience strength and hope with other members, when speakers share their story and tell how Al-Anon/Alateen has influenced their lives. They describe their experiences in trying to cope with their problems and tell how Al-Anon has helped. Sometimes the chairperson or leader will present a topic to help members focus their thoughts and discuss the subject as it applies to them. Some groups' meeting will ask that there be no cross talk during the meeting while members share. It is also suggested to "take what you like and leave the rest". Members do not have to share. There are no "musts" in Al-Anon.

What are "Slogans"?

Slogans serve as a gentle, calming reminders that our circumstances might not be as impossible or as desperate as they at first appear. These concise expressions of wisdom offer quick reassurance that we really are able to cope with whatever life brings, prompting us to take constructive action and to treat ourselves and others with compassion and respect. Even when we are too new to Al-Anon or too overwhelmed by our circumstances to recall on of the many Al-Anon principles that may apply, a simple slogan can put the entire situation into perspective. To see what are some of the Al-Anon/Alateen slogan, please go here. (How Al-Anon works..)

What is a sponsor?

A sponsor is a special person with whom a member can discuss personal problems or questions, and one who willingly shares the experience, strength, and hope of the Al-Anon/Alateen program. more...

Do I need to get a sponsor?

“There are no musts in Al-Anon/Alateen. Sponsorship is not required, but experience shows that sponsorship is a valuable aid to personal understanding and the use of the Al-Anon program of recovery.” - Sponsorship – What It’s All About more...

What does AFG mean?

AFG stands for Al-Anon Family Groups. Since alcoholism is a family disease, the Al-Anon Family Groups are organized to hold regular meetings to help people deal with the effects of alcoholism.

What does AC mean?

AC stands for Adult Child. This term refers to adults who were raised by someone who has/had a problem with alcohol. Meetings designated as “AC” often have a focus on this particular topic.

I Grow Up With a Problem Drinker, but I am adult now. Is Al-Anon for me?

Answer these questions to see if you are still affected today. If you answered yes to some of these question, Al-Anon can help.

A lot of Al-Anon events are held with AA, why?

Shared events are one way in which we cooperate with AA in line with our traditions – “Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems, of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” (Tradition Six)

Besides Al-anon, what are my other options?

Because we are non-professional, we do not recommend sources of outside help. Through sharing of our personal experiences, members gain insight into dealing with their own situations. There are times when, in order to work through especially challenging circumstances, we may need more specialized help and support, such as therapy or legal counsel.

How does Al-Anon fit with other programs or help?

We consider Al-Anon to be a helpful solution for recovery to those who have been affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Some Al-Anon members may also be associated with other 12-step programs or professional help. Within meetings, our Traditions suggest that the groups devote themselves to Al-Anon’s principles and refrain from mentioning other programs or any other outside help. Reviewing our work in programs or therapy sessions dilutes the Al-Anon message and can deprive others of the unique help Al-Anon has to offer.

Does Al-Anon/Alateen have professional counselors or therapists?

Al-Anon offers a non-professional mutual support program of recovery. Some members may be professional counselors or therapists, but when they come to an Al-Anon meeting, they come for themselves and not as professionals.

How long will I have to attend Al-Anon?

There are no "have to’s" in Al-Anon only suggestions. Many Al-Anon members choose to work the Al-Anon program until they cannot any longer. Many of us keep coming back to Al-Anon even years after the main reason that first brought us to Al-Anon no longer exist. The Al-Anon program keeps working in our lives helping us through all of our ups and downs. For many it is a spiritual home, friendships are built, and as long as we keep coming back, we keep learning, changing and growing. Recovery in this program does not happen overnight and is a process that continues for as long as you want recovery.

Can Al-Anon/Alateen recommend treatment centers?

Because we are non-professional we do not recommend sources of outside help. Through sharing of our personal experiences, members gain insight into dealing with their own situations.

What is alcoholism?

It is a threefold disease affecting the body, the mind, and the spirit. One of the symptoms is an uncontrollable desire for alcohol. Additionally, the American Medical Association recognizes alcoholism as a disease that can be arrested but not cured. Since 1954, alcoholism has been recognized by the American Medical Association as a chronic, progressive disease. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How do alcoholics affect families and friends?

As Bill W., cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous put it: "Any Family, wife and children, who have had to live with an alcoholic a number of years are bound to be rather neurotic and distorted themselves. They can't help it". Alcoholism affect family and friends emotionally, spiritually, and often physically. Without spiritual help, living with a problem drinker is too much for most of us. We become nervous, irritable, and resentful. Our thinking becomes confused, and our perspectives distorted. Each of us has our own individual story, but we all understand as perhaps few others can. (Alcoholism, the Family Disease P-4)

Will Al-Anon show me how to stop the alcoholic's drinking?

No. This is not Al-Anon's purpose; it is not possible to stop another person from drinking. However, Al-Anon can help you gain a new perspective of your situation and this may reduce your anxiety, confusion, and frustration about someone else's drinking.

Will Al-Anon tell me how to get my loved one sober?

We come to realize that we can’t control or change another person and that our efforts to do this only frustrate us and can even make situations worse. In Al-Anon, we learn to detach by taking the focus off the alcoholic and concentrating on our own healing.

Will you tell me how to get my spouse to stop drinking so much?

The problems of a person with a drinking problem do not lie in the bottle, but in the individual. His or her recovery cannot begin until sobriety is obtained. No one can do this for the alcoholic. The person must make his own choices if recovery is to occur on any permanent basis. “Anyone who has suffered from the effects of someone else’s drinking faces constant emotional strains and pressures, and needs help in relieving these. You will find relief, understanding, support, and warmhearted help in an Al-Anon Family Group. There you will, as one member put it, ‘learn to live again’”. - So You Love an Alcoholic

What can we do to help an alcoholic stop drinking?

By changing our own attitudes we provide a healthier environment for the whole family, including the alcoholic. This may give the alcoholic the opportunity to recognize the problem and seek help. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Will our troubles be over if the alcoholic stops drinking?

Don't expect too much too soon. Progress from illness to health takes a long time, and not all problems are caused by alcoholism. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Will we need Al-Anon after the alcoholic has stopped drinking?

Yes. The adjustment to sobriety can be aided by continuing to focus on ourselves and growing in Al-Anon. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How can we help after the alcoholic stops drinking?

We can help by recovering from the effects of the family disease of alcoholism ourselves and being loving and understanding of the alcoholic.

Should I go to Al-Anon even if the alcoholic is no longer drinking?

By all means! In Al-Anon we discover how the problem drinking of someone has affected our attitudes and behavior. We also learn how we can change our lives with a new sense of spiritual values and the help of other Al-Anon members. Most long-time Al-Anon members realize that they continue to benefit from Al-Anon whether the alcoholic continues to drink or not. For them, Al-Anon has become a way of life.

I am not living with an alcoholic, but I have problems, is Al-Anon for me?

Al-Anon is for anyone suffering from the effects of someone else's drinking.

I grew up in an alcoholic home, can I attend Al-Anon?

Yes, Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of alcoholics. There are many Al-Anon members who are adult children of Alcoholics.

Does someone in your family or a close friend have a drinking problem?

You are not alone. There are more than 18 million problem drinkers in the United States alone, and each one affects relatives, friends and co-workers, often creating in them a need for help. (Al-Anon, you and the Alcoholic P-2)

Does the alcoholic in a person’s life have to be a member of AA before that person goes to Al-Anon?

No, many people come into Al-Anon whether or not the alcoholic is in recovery, attend AA meeting or not, or still an active drinker.

Are we sick, too?

It is well to remember that we have been affected by another person's alcoholism. We too can suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually from the disease. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Do you find most of the people in Al-Anon have the same frustrations?

Yes. Even though people’s situations differ, fear, anger, resentment and loneliness are some of the common effects from the family disease of alcoholism. Many people in Al-Anon and Alateen have discovered that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.

Does Al-Anon have answers to such personal questions such as: If the alcoholic loved me, wouldn't the drinking stop? Did I cause the excessive drinking? Should I leave, or stay?

Rather than give advice, Al-Anon offers us the tools to solve our personal problems. You will be able to answer these questions for yourself as you learn to live by Al-Anon principles, and be guided each day by the Serenity Prayer. No one in Al-Anon can tell you what is the right answer for you, but answers will come as you continue to listen and share with other members, and work the Al-Anon program.

Does Al-Anon help parents whose children have a drinking problem?

Yes. In Al-Anon, members have a variety of relationships with the alcoholic. Sometimes it is a parent, teen or adult child, spouse/partner, sibling, grandparent or a friend. All members can offer and receive insight to recovering from the effects of this disease.

How can the family help an alcoholic?

By applying the Al-Anon principles to our lives, we can stop trying to reform the alcoholic, whom we cannot change, and put the focus on ourselves, whom we can change. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How can we keep the alcoholic away from drinking companions?

We can't. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How do I know if another person is an alcoholic?

Only the other person can decide if they are an alcoholic. However, you may be suffering from the disease of alcoholism if you are bothered of affected by someone else’s drinking. You may feel confused, depressed, nervous, losing sleep, have overwhelming fears, feel sorry for yourself, take your frustrations out on others, be resentful, lie and try to cover up the drinking, be ashamed of your situation.

If I join an Al-Anon group, should I refrain from drinking?

Al-Anon membership does not require you to refrain from drinking. Whether or not you do is a personal decision. Discussing this at an Al-Anon meeting can help you decide what is right for you.

Does alcoholism result in cases of physical abuse toward adults and children in the family?

Yes, sometimes this is a result of alcoholism. As members grow and heal, sound decision-making skills are learned. We learn to protect ourselves physically as well as emotionally.

A SPECIAL WORD TO ANYONE CONFRONTED WITH VIOLENCE

Is Al-anon good for my relationship problems?

The Al-Anon program asks us to take the focus off of the alcoholic (or other people, places and things) and turn it towards ourselves. In the process of doing this, we find that we are more capable of having healthier relationships as a result of working the steps.

Is there a time when we can talk to the alcoholic about the drinking or any other serious problem?

This, in most cases, must be "played by ear." Many have found the alcoholic to be more accessible after a heavy drinking bout. Whenever any problems are discussed, it is helpful to remain calm and detached. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Should we accept invitations to gatherings where alcohol is served?

We should let the alcoholic decide whether or not to accept such invitations, just as we make such decisions for ourselves. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Should we serve alcohol at home?

There is no one correct answer. This is an individual matter. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Should we stop drinking?

There is no one correct answer. This is our personal decision. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

What is a "dry drunk?"

This is a period during which the alcoholic's behavior seems identical to that during active drinking. It often occurs at the beginning of sobriety and can occur at other times as well. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

What responsibilities can an alcoholic take?

Each situation is different and in Al-Anon we do not give advice on how to handle various situations. Some recovering alcoholics can assume responsibilities more quickly than others; the abilities of an alcoholic who has achieved sobriety may be limitless. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

What shall I do if the alcoholic does not want me to attend Al-Anon meetings?

It is very common for active drinkers to object to anything that suggests they are alcoholics. The decision to go to Al-Anon and risk disfavor, must be a personal one. If you decide that Al-Anon is necessary for your recovery, but find you cannot go to meetings, telephone conversations with members and reading Al-Anon literature may eventually help you gain the strength you need to overcome objections.

Will Al-Anon help me control my temper when the alcoholic is drinking?

As you learn through Al-Anon to get over your resentments of the past and your fears for the future, you may realize that it is futile to react in anger to the disturbing things the alcoholic says and does.

Will Al-Anon help me convince someone that he or she is an alcoholic?

There is no purpose in trying to convince anyone that he or she is alcoholic. Most alcoholics know they have become slaves to the bottle, though they may not admit it even to themselves. Challenging, blaming, or pleading is likely to create hostility. An understanding attitude may do much to help someone want to seek help for their problem drinking.

Will Al-Anon help me understand why the alcoholic can't stop after one or two drinks?

Yes. Al-Anon members and Al-Anon literature will explain that alcoholism is a compulsive illness. There is no moderation for the alcoholic. Going to open AA meetings may help you understand the many drinking patterns of alcoholics.

Are the children in the family affected by alcoholism? 

Yes. Many children are profoundly affected. They experience many of the same feelings that adults do including a sense of loss, confusion and guilt. Alateen is a program for our younger members. In Alateen, young people meet to exchange experiences and to gain an understanding of themselves and the alcoholic. This helps their own personal development and can help stabilize troubled thinking resulting from close association with an alcoholic.

Does Al-Anon offer help to the children in the family?

Yes. Children are quick to reflect improved attitudes that help them deal with their sense of shame about the problem drinking. If children are old enough, Alateen meetings 'can give them the understanding, knowledge and support so vital in living in an alcoholic situation. Adults who are children of alcoholics have found Al-Anon invaluable in coming to grips with their past, learning how it has affected them and taking positive action to improve their present situations.

What is Alateen?

Alateen is part of the Al-Anon fellowship designed for the younger relatives and friends of alcoholics through the teen years. Alateen members conduct their own meetings with the guidance of an Al-Anon member Sponsor. Alateen groups follows the same Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and principles as Al-Anon.. more..

Who goes to Alateen?

Any teenager who has been or is affected by someone else’s drinking is invited to attend Alateen meetings. Each meeting has one or two experienced members of Al-Anon who are certified to work with Alateen groups. Other adults may attend only by invitation of the Alateen group.

Is Alateen for me?

Please go here for more information and questions to determined if Alateen is right for you.

What is the age range for Alateens?

Alateen is for members in their teen years, usually between 12 and 18. Where there is no Alateen meetings available, young people are encouraged to attend Al-Anon meetings. It is within the autonomy of each Alateen group to lower the age limit or divide into groups according to age.

Do teenagers need to contact someone before attending a meeting?

Alateen is for any teenager who has been affected by someone else's drinking. They do not have to contact anyone or obtain the permission of the group in order to attend. Just show up. In some groups, the age range varies. The group will let them know if they are too young or too old for the meeting.

I have young children. Can I bring them to an Al-Anon meeting?

It is a matter of group conscience, and each individual group may decide different. Many groups that meet during the day have baby-sitters to care for the little ones during meetings. You can find the groups that provide this service by asking Al-Anon members at the meetings you attend or by calling the Al-Anon Suffolk information service listed in your telephone directory.

What about pre-teens?

In some locations there are Alateen meetings which include pre-teens. Check with the meeting to see what the accepted age range of the group is.

How can I help my children?

a. By becoming an active member of Al-Anon

b. By encouraging teenagers to attend Alateen meetings and adult children to attend Al-Anon

c. By reading Al-Anon and Alateen literature to learn how the whole family has been affected. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

I'm in AA. Other members of my family also have drinking problems. Can I go to Al-Anon?

By all means! It is not unusual to have more than one problem drinker in the family. As a result, an increasing number of AA members turn to Al-Anon for help in learning that they are as powerless over other alcoholics as they are over alcohol.

I go to open AA meetings with the alcoholic. Should I still go to Al-Anon?

Yes. Going to open AA meetings shows your loyalty and support of the alcoholic. Going to Al-Anon meetings is doing something positive for yourself.

 

Recovery

Do we in Al-Anon have slips?

Yes. Habits are hard to break, and sometimes we slip back into old ways of thinking and acting. Keeping in touch with Al-Anon members by means of the telephone, reading Al-Anon literature, and attending meetings helps lessen our slips. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How can we achieve serenity?

a. By keeping an open mind at meetings, there by gaining knowledge and strength from the group

b. By studying the Twelve Steps, the Serenity Prayer, and the slogans

c. By emotionally detaching ourselves from the alcoholic with love in our hearts and with trust in a Higher Power (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How can we change our attitudes?

a. By regular attendance at Al-Anon meetings and daily reading of Conference Approved Literature

b. By following the A!-Anon program, including its Steps, Traditions, slogans, and the Serenity Prater

c. By attempting to understand the disease of alcoholism and its effects on us. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

How do Al-Anon members learn to detach?

By sharing with each other and by trying to apply the Al-Anon Twelve Steps to their everyday lives. As we learn healthy ways of dealing with our problems, we find that we live happier and better lives in spite of what’s going on around us. more..

How do we keep from getting discouraged?

a. Through reliance on a Power greater than our­selves

b. Through involvement in the Al-Anon program and helping others

c. Through prayer and meditation (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4)

Now what do I do?

We Al-Anon and Alateen members found it helpful to:

• Obtain a meeting schedule.

• Go to meetings.

• Talk to each other before and after meetings.

• Exchange phone numbers.

• After awhile, you may wish to ask a longtime member to be your sponsor - a special friend, with whom you can continue sharing your personal feelings.

• Read Al-Anon and Alateen books, pamphlets, our magazine, The Forum, and Al-Anon and Alateen newsletters.

Where can I find a meeting and get more information about Al-Anon and Alateen?

The local Suffolk County Al-Anon/Alateen meetings list is published here. You can also contact Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service by phone 1-631-669-2827 or e-mail : info@al-anon-suffolk-ny.org

Call the following toll-free telephone number for meeting information outside your local area:

1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666).

How to subscribe to the Forum

Where can I buy literature?

Some meetings have literature for sale at the meeting place. Please go to our literature page for more information on where to buy literature, and to download literature order forms.

How do I submit my article for publication?

Please share your experiences. Submittals can include quotations, humor, recovery experiences, and anything else of interest to Al-Anon readers. For guidelines please click here

Where can a person in this area get more information about Al-Anon and Alateen?

You may contact Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service by phone, mail or email. Send us your questions on what information you need, and we will do our best to help. You may also visit Al-Anon/Alateen web site at www.al-anon.alateen.org 

How do I start up a meeting?

Please refer to the Al-Anon/Alateen Service manual, or contact us for information on how to start a new Al-Anon/Alateen meeting.

How can we find out about events, workshops, anniversaries in our area?

Al-Anon events, and AA events with Al-Anon participation can be found in our calendar of events page, and in the Al-Anews. A copy of the Al-Anews is mailed to all the groups, and it is also available for download. We can only publish events we know about. If there is an Al-Anon event or AA event with Al-Anon participation you know of that our members in Suffolk County might like to attend, let us know. You may contact us by phone, mail or e-mail.

How can we share a group announcement with other groups.

You can share it by sending us an announcement and we will publish it in our calendar of events page, and in the Al-Anews. If your group wishes to do it by mailing directly to all other groups in our area, please send us a request for the mailing list. We can mail it, email and It is also available for download but requires a password to access. We will only grant access to the mailing list if asked for by a group.

Our group's mailing address change. Who do I notify?

What to do when a group changes it's meeting day, time, location, or other meeting details

How can I do service within my group?

Each group is autonomous in their choice of procedure and there are no set rules for meeting. When service positions are up for renewal, you may express your willingness to volunteer.

I want to do service above the group level. What do I do?

There are many opportunities for service above the group level, starting with being a GR or AGR, and volunteering for service at all Al-Anon service arms, various workshop comities etc. The Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service openings for service are listed in the help wanted section of this website. Please read the guideline and if interested, contact A.S.I.S. for more information. Note that according to the WSO guidelines, dual members in Al-Anon and AA, cannot serve on the A.S.I.S board.

How do I get in touch with an Al-Anon or Alateen group?

To get in touch with local groups located in Suffolk County, please contact the A.S.I.S. For groups located in other areas, please contact the appropriate service arm listed in our contact page.

How to make my questions, suggestions or concerns known

For any questions concerning Al-Anon and groups in Suffolk County, please send an email to A.S.I.S. to contact us by phone or mail, please see contact information here. For questions regarding this website, please email the webmaster. For any other questions, suggestions and concerns, you may contact the Al-Anon Family Groups headquarters, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617 e-mail: wso@al-anon.org or Tel: (757) 563-1600

Why the name Al-Anon?

The name Al-Anon is built on two words that are a big part of our program. The "Al" comes from the word Alcoholic. We have all been affected by someone else's drinking. This is what brings us together. The "Anon" comes from the word Anonymous. Our program is Anonymous so it ensures confidentiality, a key ingredient in our recovery. This is why Al-Anon is hyphenated and the letter A's are capitalized.

Should our Group be receiving mail from World Service Office?

Yes! World Service Office has regular mailings to all active Al-Anon Groups throughout the year. If the mail is returned as undeliverable they remove the group from the mailing list until updated information is received. The group is still considered active. If you do not receive mail from the World Service Office, please make sure they have the correct mailing address for your group.

How do I know if my group's address is correct with World Service Office?

If your group is receiving mail from World Service Office, it is current.

How do I update our group's contact information?

Your Group Representative is asked by their District Representative to verify their contact information each year. The District Representatives relay this information to Area Assembly and they keep the World Service Office advised of any changes. If you do not have a Group Representative, or a District Representative, you can provide your group's changes to Area Assembly. This can be done at anytime.

So what does the term "service" mean?

Service is defined as: the work performed by one that serves; contribution to the welfare of others. Service in Al-Anon is just that with an additional aspect, service in Al-Anon also contributes to our own recovery. Service can vary from helping set up chairs and coffee for a meeting, holding the position of Group Representative (GR) or District Representative (DR), joining the Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service board or any other Al-Anon committee.

Why does a group need to be involved in service?

A group not active in Al-Anon Service can be compared to someone suffering with the effects of Alcoholism and not attending Al-Anon. Coming to Al-Anon brakes the chains of isolation and gives us the tools to recover. We become part of the Al-Anon Family. Service ensures that the group remains a healthy, active member of the Al-Anon Family Groups. We grow from supporting each other. Thinking we could do it alone is what brought us to Al-Anon, why would a group decide to "do it alone"? It just isn't healthy.

What is an Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual?

It is a manual designed to answer questions that Al-Anon members have about what is, and is not, appropriate for Al-Anon and Alateen groups. It was introduced in 1992 and is updated every other year. It ensures that the Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts of Service are protected. It answers just about any service question you can think of. Each group receives a free copy at every update. It is sometimes held by the Group Representative while others leave it with the groups' literature for reference. Individual members (or groups) can purchase additional copies at the Literature Distribution Centre.

How is Al-Anon Structured?

Everything begins with individual Al-Anon members and grows from there. An oversimplified view of our structure is as follows:

What is a Group Representative / GR?

It is an Al-Anon member elected by the group to represent the group at District and Area Assembly. They are your group's voice when decisions regarding Al-Anon are made. They are elected for a three year term. The three year term is the same for all Al-Anon groups in Canada and the United States. A group is part of a District.

How do I know who the Group Representative is in the group I attend?

Ask the Chairperson if they know who the Group Representative is, or who you can ask. If they don't know, ask a long time member of the group or someone active in service. If no one within the group knows check with your District Representative (DR).

What if there is no Group Representative?

Contact your District Representative and discuss the matter. They will give you the necessary information to assist you. If you can't find out who the District Representative (DR) is, contact Al-Anon as outline in the Contact section of this website.

What is an Alternate Group Representative / AGR?

It is an Al-Anon member elected by the group to represent them at Al-Anon Suffolk Information Services (ASIS). S/He facilitate the exchange of Al-Anon information between the group to the Suffolk County level and attend the quarterly meetings. The Al-Anon Suffolk Information Quarterly meetings are held the 3rd Wednesday of January, April, July and October at a place to be announced in a mailing before the meeting. The Alternate Group Representative is also responsible to fulfill the Group Representative's (GR's) duties if they are unable to do so.

How do I know who the Alternate Group Representative is in the group I attend?

Ask the Chairperson if they know who the Group Representative is, or who you can ask. If they don't know, ask a long time member of the group or someone active in service. If no one within the group knows check with your District Representative (DR).

What if there is no Alternate Group Representative?

Contact your District Representative and discuss the matter. They will give you the necessary information to assist you. If you can't find out who the District Representative (DR) is, contact Al-Anon as outline in the Contact section of this website.

What is a Group Treasurer?

It is an Al-Anon member elected by the group to handle the group's collections, financial obligations and advise the group on a regular basis of the group's financial situation. The group must authorize all disbursements of money. The Treasurer is responsible to carry out those requests. The term of the position, and election process, is up to the group. This position also exists at District, Al-Anon Suffolk Information Services (ASIS), Area, World Service and special committees created for one time events i.e. workshops, conventions, etc. In areas above the group level the Treasurer is elected and serves a term similar to the Group Representative's position.

What is the 7th Tradition collected at meetings used for?

In keeping with Tradition Seven, a group's membership is the source of its funds. Assistance from sources outside of Al-Anon or Alateen violates this Tradition. Most groups prefer not to accumulate money beyond current needs and a small reserve. The funds are used for paying group expenses such as rent, literature and refreshments. The group supports Al-Anon/Alateen at all levels of service: Local, Area and the WSO. Groups can also make donations to any Al-Anon function they want. This could include: workshops, anniversary meetings, city wide Al-Anon events, Literature Distribution Centre (LDC), Alateen, Regional Service Seminar, etc.

Who is in charge of the disbursements of funds?

The group must authorize all disbursements of money, and each member in the group can have a voice on how the fund are disbursed. Each group is autonomous on the group spending. Most group will have regular expenses such as rent and refreshments, while during a business meeting they vote on allocating some of their funds for donations to the other service arms, literature and other expenses. Only Al-Anon or Alateen members can contribute to the group's fund. Outside contributions cannot be accepted.

What is a Group Secretary?

It is an Al-Anon member elected by the group to take minutes or jot down some notes of any business meetings within the group. This provides a record of what decisions where made and why. As membership changes on a regular basis it is healthy to have a record of decisions made. Secretary positions beyond the group level are more structured regarding election, term of position, and responsibilities.

What are Group Business Meetings?

Group meetings, or time set aside during a group meeting, to deal with administrative issues regarding the group. These could include financial updates, financial distributions, participation in Al-Anon events, meeting structure, group problems, etc. Some groups hold a separate meeting before or after the meeting while others dedicate some time during a regular meeting to deal with these issues. All Al-Anon members are encouraged to participate in these meetings as everything begins with the individual Al-Anon members.

What is the Suffolk Information Phone Service?

The Suffolk Information Phone Service is a network of volunteers that give information to callers about Al-Anon/Alateen meeting locations. They do not council callers. The Suffolk Information Phone Service is always looking for people to answer the phones. If you can spare two or more hours once a month you will be adding the human touch for people who need information about meetings. Calls come to whatever phone you want, anonymously. Click here for more information about how to volunteer for the phone service.

Why only use Conference Approved Literature ( CAL) within Al-Anon/Alateen?

Al-Anon only uses Conference Approved Literature (CAL) in order to keep the focus on what brings us together: to recover from the effects of living, or having lived with, someone else's drinking. Anything else has the potential of dividing us. The success of our program is rooted in sharing our experience, strength, and hope. It is our common experience of being affected by someone else's drinking that is the foundation upon which this is built.

Individual members may find other very helpful resources to assist them with their recovery. We encourage members to pursue what works for them outside of Al-Anon; but within the fellowship of Al-Anon and Alateen we ask that all members limit our use of literature to Conference Approved Literature (CAL).

What is Conference Approved Literature ( CAL)?

It is Al-Anon and Alateen literature that is written by Al-Anon and Alateen members and then reviewed by Al-Anon and Alateen members to ensure that is follows the principles of our program. There is an Al-Anon pamphlet titled " Why Conference Approved Literature?" (p-35) that describes this in more detail. more...

What is the Forum?

The Forum is a monthly Al-Anon magazine published by World Service Office. It contains: sharing of experience from Al-Anon members all over the world; sharing from Alateen members; listings of Al-Anon, or Al-Anon participating events in Canada and in the United States. It is a subscription based magazine with an annual term. It comes in the mail in a white envelope with the only Al-Anon identification being the initials AFG in the return address. You can subscribe for it online here or download the subscription form

Do I have to be the Alternate Group Representative to attend Al-Anon Suffolk Information Services (ASIS) meetings?

No. Al-Anon Suffolk Information Services (ASIS) meetings are open to any Al-Anon member who wishes to attend. We encourage members to attend a meeting. You may find some area of interest in which you may want to volunteer your time. Al-Anon Suffolk Information Services (ASIS) board meets the third Wednesday of every month, at the First Presbyterian Church, located at 175 East Main Street (Junction Rts. 111&25&25A) in Smithtown. The Al-Anon Suffolk Information Quarterly meetings are held the 3rd Wednesday of January, April, July and October at a place to be announced in a mailing before the meeting.

What is the Suffolk Al-Anews?

The Al-Anews is our local Al-Anon newsletters which let people know what is going on in the Al-Anon community. It is published 4 times a year and mailed to the groups. You can also find a copy of the Al-Anews publications available online.

What is a District Representative/District Rep/DR?

It is an Al-Anon member elected by the Group Representatives within the District. They have the same three year term as Group Representatives. They are a resource to the Group Representatives and groups within their Districts.

What is a District?

A District is a collection of groups within a loosely defined geographical area. All the Group Representatives from the groups within a District attend District Meetings. It can be compared to an Al-Anon meeting for Group Representatives. It allows Group Representatives to openly share their experience, strength, and hope from a Group Representative perspective. Although District Meetings are usually attended by Group Representatives they are open to anyone in the Al-Anon membership who wishes to observe, participate, and grow. Districts can decide to host special events as well i.e. workshops, speaker meetings, etc. Districts belong to an Area.

What District does my Group belong to?

The districts your group belongs to is stated in the meeting list. Your Group Representative (GR) or District Representative (DR) will know, or can get this information.

Do I have to be a Group Representative to attend District Meetings?

No. District meetings are open to any Al-Anon member who wishes to attend. Please check the meeting list for meeting places and times.

What is Area?

Area is the geographical grouping of Districts. Suffolk County is part of the Southern New York Area.

What is Assembly?

Assembly is the meeting of all Group Representatives, District Representatives, and Assembly Elected Officers for a specific Area. Issues affecting Al-Anon at the Area level are discussed. Any issue that requires a change is voted on. There is only one vote per group. It is usually the Group Representative that attends but another individual may represent their group if the Group Representative is not available.

What is a Quarterly Meeting?

Quarterly is a meeting of all Alternate Group Representatives that is held 4 times a year by the Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service. Officers give their reports and provide information for the AGR to take back to their groups. Updated Meeting Lists are also distributed at the Quarterly. The Al-Anon Suffolk Information Quarterly Meetings are held the 3rd Wednesday of January, April, July and October at a place to be announced in a mailing before the meeting.

What is an Area Delegate?

It is an Al-Anon member elected at Assembly to represent the Area at World Service Conference. They represent our issues at the World level. Area Delegates from Canada and the United States meet once a year, usually in the spring, to discuss issues affecting Al-Anon at the World Wide level. They meet for about five days with all other delegates. This is a three year term position.

What is World Service Conference?

It is the gathering of all Area Delegates from Canada and USA, World Service Office Officers, and representatives from other Al-Anon Areas throughout the world. They meet every year, usually in the spring, for a period of about five days to discuss issues that affect Al-Anon at the World Wide Level. There is much work that goes on throughout the year by conference members. A summary of each conference is published every year

What is a Trustee?

It is an Al-Anon member elected to represent a geographical region that contains multiple Areas. There are also a few elected Trustees that are not attached to a specific geographical region, called Trustees at large. They serve a three year term and there is a formal election process. The Board of Trustees direct the business operations of the World Service Office, look after the welfare of the legal rights of the Al-Anon fellowship, and ensure our Al-Anon principles are protected in the process.

What is World Service Office?

It is Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. It is currently located in Virginia Beach, Virginia, USA. Our Executives, Officers, and staff work from this location in providing service and guidance to the fellowship as a whole. You can find a complete description of the WSO structure and function in the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual (pages 111-115).

What are the Concepts?

The Concepts are the Third Legacy (One being the Steps and Two being the Traditions) of Al-Anon. They are the tools of service. They ensure that the principles of the Al-Anon program are upheld in our Service work, which is another tool of recovery.

What are the General Warranties?

The General Warranties are five statements created to guide the decisions made at the World Service Conference level. It ensures that Al-Anon's Traditions are adhered to in the daily operation of our Organization and the servants who make those decisions on behalf of the Al-Anon Fellowship.