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General Questions about Al-Anon |
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What is Al-Anon? |
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Al-Anon Family Groups is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope with each other in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family disease and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. More....
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What is the Al-Anon program? |
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The Al-Anon program is a fellowship of members who Share their experience strength and hope with each other. The Al-Anon program is a way of life adapted by members by attending Al-Anon meetings and applying the Twelve Steps of Recovery and other Al-Anon tools and ideas to their daily lives. Many have found the help they need to deal with the effects of living with or having lived with the alcoholism of another, by living the Al-Anon program. Reading Al-Anon books and pamphlets and sharing with other Al-Anon members helps to develop an understanding of alcoholism and the effects it has on those close to the alcoholic. Al-Anon members recognize their powerlessness over the disease of alcoholism and focus instead on their own physical, emotionally and spiritual well being that consequently lead to improving their lives. |
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Who are the members and why are they here? |
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Members are all kinds of people from all walks of life: wives, husbands, lovers, sisters, brothers, children and parents of alcoholics. No matter what our relationship has been with a problem drinker, we share a common bond: we feel our lives have been deeply affected by another person's drinking. We come together for mutual help by sharing our experience, strength, and hope. |
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Is Al-Anon right for me? |
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Please go here for more information and questions to determine if Al-Anon is right for you. |
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How will it help me? |
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If you are troubled by someone else's alcoholism, whether they are still drinking or not, Al-Anon can help. You will probably hear about a situation much like your own. If you don't find someone with the same set of circumstances, you may still be able to identify with the way many of us feel about the effects of alcoholism on our lives. We are all individuals striving to become the best people we can, each in our own way. That way is not the same for each of us, but there is help for everyone whose problem is alcoholism in others. |
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How long has Al-Anon been in existence? |
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Al-Anon has been offering hope and help to the families and friends of alcoholics since 1951. Al-Anon / Alateen has approximately 31,000 groups in 112 countries. |
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What is Al-Anon's purpose? |
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Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic. |
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Is Al-Anon part of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)? |
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No. Al-Anon is a separate fellowship established to meet the needs of those whose personal lives are, or have been adversely affected by someone else's drinking. Al-Anon, like AA, stresses confidentiality and the anonymity of its members. (Al-Anon, you and the Alcoholic P-2) |
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Who can be a member of Al-Anon? |
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Anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else’s drinking is qualified and can attend Al-Anon meetings. The only
requirment for membership is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. |
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Will Al-Anon improve my life? |
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It can. As we begin to apply the Al-Anon ideas, by focusing on ourselves and our recovery, we begin changing ourselves and our own lives. Al-Anon provides us with a simple step-by-step approach to rebuilding our lives and our self-confidence in an atmosphere of unconditional love. As we continue working the Al-Anon program, we are able to maintain our serenity and sanity, our positive attitudes and spiritual health while we apply the Al-Anon principles in all of our affairs. The changes in our lives will not happen over night, but each in our own pace, as we come to learn and live the Al-Anon program “one day at a time”, will find that living the Al-Anon program enriches and improves our lives. more... |
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Questions about the Meetings
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Anonymity, what exactly is it?
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Al-Anon is an anonymous fellowship. According to Al-Anon Eleventh and Twelfth Traditions, anonymity is an important principle of the Al-Anon program. The identities and sharing of members are to be kept in strict confidence, as well as the identity of all Alateen and AA members. We can carry the message but not the messenger.
More about Anonymity... |
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Will anyone say I've been here? |
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Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of our program. It provides a safe place for members to share. We use first names and last initials. We do not talk about the people we see, or repeat what we hear at meetings. We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon/ Alateen and AA members. |
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What if someone who knows me is at my meeting? |
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Al-Anon members practice anonymity. It helps us to feel safe and secure and know that we can share our experience, strength, and hope without having everyone in the world know it too. Other Al-Anon members will maintain that anonymity until you let them know otherwise. It's not uncommon for an Al-Anon members to see one another in the store and not talk to each other, in order to protect their anonymity. |
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How do I find a meeting? |
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To find a meeting in Suffolk County, please visit our meeting list for meeting locations and times. You can also call our phone service 1-800-766-5079. For Meetings located in other NY areas or Nationwide, please check our Contact page for contact information. |
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What is the purpose of anonymity? |
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Although many people know that alcoholism is an illness, there are others who make harsh judgments about alcoholics, their families and their friends. For that reason, many Al-Anon groups make it a practice to assure all present at a meeting, especially the newcomers, that their anonymity will be respected. This also applies to sharing between members not
during meetings. Everyone is asked to respect the anonymity of all Al-Anon members, as well as the confidentiality of their sharing. Personal anonymity, as well as confidentiality of members sharing in our program, creates a safe place to get help. We often say, “Whom you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.” |
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Where are the meetings held? |
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Al-Anon meetings are
available all across the country and around the world. Meetings are
generally held at local schools, churches, hospitals or other private rooms that a group may rent. Each group will meet at a regular place, same day and time each week. Please check our meetings list for specific locations in Suffolk
County. For nationwide meeting locations, please call 1-888-4AL-ANON |
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Do I just show up at a meeting? |
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Yes, just show up. You don't need to inform anyone or tell someone in advance. If you have a question about a particular meeting, and have to speak to someone before you show up, please call the WSO at 1-888-4AL-ANON and ask if they have a contact person for that particular meeting you can call. |
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What meeting is right for me? |
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The only way to find that out is to attend several different meetings. Any member can attend as many and any Al-Anon meeting of their choosing. Some group meetings are designed specifically to for specific segment such as Women's Group, Adult Children, Parents, Gay & Lesbians, etc., however, any members who does not necessarily identify with that specific segment can still attend these meetings. In addition, all meetings are basically the same but they have their own flavor because each group is autonomous as to how they run a meeting, and what members attend it regularly. Some meetings will be specific such as a Step Meeting, open/closed meeting, speakers meetings etc. So try several. We suggest that you try at least six meetings before you decide whether or not Al-Anon is for you. |
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Beginners' Meetings |
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Beginners' Meetings introduce newcomers to the Al-Anon program and acquaint them with the Al-Anon tools of the program. Newcomers find help more readily if their introduction to the program is simple. They are being led by an experienced Al-Anon member who explains alcoholism as a disease with far reaching effects. Newcomers can ask questions about the Al-Anon program and are given information such as a meeting list, a "Beginners' Packet", and a members' phone list. It is suggested that the newcomers try six meetings before deciding if Al-Anon is right for them. |
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Should I identify myself as a newcomer? |
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It is a good idea to introduce yourself as a newcomer using only your first name. This way we can provide you with some Al-Anon literature about the effects of the disease of alcoholism and after the meeting, answer any questions that you may have. |
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What could I expect at my first meeting? |
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At our group meetings, we share our experience, strength, and hope with one another, keeping the focus on ourselves and the Al-Anon tools of recovery. There is no requirement to share. By concentrating on our feelings and attitudes toward our situation – rather than on the details of the situation – we contribute to the group’s unity and our recovery. We talk about how the disease of alcoholism has affected our thinking and behavior. We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives. |
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Do I have to say anything? |
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If you wish to speak, please do. If you would rather sit and listen, that's all right, too. There are no musts in Al-Anon. We try to listen to each other with an open mind. We also say, "Take what you like and leave the rest." |
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How are meetings set-up? |
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All meetings start at a specific time; most last about an hour or so; some have no formal closing time. You can come into a meeting or leave anytime you choose. The Meeting opening is read, then introductions by first name, we may read the steps/traditions and other selected readings (each group varies) followed by Al-Anon/Alateen related announcements and them the program itself. The program may include a specific topic for discussion and sharing or a speaker who shares their experience strength and hope with the group. When the meeting ends, the suggested Al-Anon closing is read and at times the group will recite the Al-Anon declaration or another prayer of their choosing.
Each group also have members who rotate service positions within the group. These positions may be: Chair person, topic person, literature, hospitality, treasury etc.
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I didn't like a meeting, what do I do? |
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There is no requirement to keep going to the same meeting. You may want to try other meetings in your area until you find one that you like.
Eventually you will find one that will help you in your recovery. |
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How many meetings a week do I need to go to? |
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How many meetings you attend is a personal decision. You may go to as many as you like. It is a personal preference of each member. If you are still not sure, you may also discuss it with other members or your sponsor who can help you determined what is right for you. |
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What is the difference between an open and closed meeting? |
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Closed meetings are for Al-Anon members only. According to Tradition Three, the only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. Open meetings are open to anyone who is not necessarily a member, including professionals and others who are interested in attending an Al-Anon meeting. If you are considering attending your first meeting and have been affected by the disease of alcoholism, do not let the designation of open or closed meetings deter you from attendance. You will be welcome at either. |
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What's a speaker meeting? |
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An Al-Anon group may decide to devote part of their meeting to an invited individual who tells their story of how they came to Al-Anon and how the program has helped them. |
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People use funny language at meetings, I don't understand it, what can I do? |
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This is a common occurrence for newcomers. After the meeting, feel free to ask someone to clarify the language. Reading Al-Anon conference approved literature can also be helpful. |
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Will Al-Anon make me feel less shut off from old friends and interests? |
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The Al-Anon program is a self-help, self-work program, and it will enhance your life in your own individual way. Through Al-Anon, you may gain the assurance to resume some former activities and/or find new interests. It is an individual choice with whom you decide to form friendships. Many Al-Anon members will form new friendships with Al-Anon members who understand our problems. |
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How much does Al-Anon cost? |
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"There are no dues or fees in Al-Anon and Alateen meetings. Most groups pass
a basket for voluntary contributions. Members are asked to contribute what
they can afford, so that the group can pay rent, provide literature, and
offer support to local and worldwide service centers." (www.al-anon.org) |
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How is the Al-Anon group supported? |
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Al-Anon is self-supporting, through voluntary contribution from the group members. Usually a basket will be passed around during a meeting and the funds collected by the groups' treasurer. Each group collections are used to pay for rent, refreshments, Al-Anon literature and other group expenses. |
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How is the Al-Anon and Alateen organization financed? |
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According to Al-Anon's seventh tradition, Al-Anon is fully self-supported by voluntary contributions from members. Al-Anon/Alateen groups or any of its service arms (including the Al-Anon Suffolk Information Service), do not accept any outside funding or contributions. There are no dues or fees, Al-Anon and Alateen members make voluntary contributions to cover group expenses, and make donations to Al-Anon/Alateen various service arms. Al-Anon/Alateen also support itself from the sale of their publications. |
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Where do I sent a donation. |
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Al-Anon does not accept donations from outside interests, but Group and Member donations are gratefully accepted, and help us support the local Information Service Office. To mail group and member donation to the Al-Anon Suffolk information Service, please check our contact page for the mailing address. |
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Who is responsible for the group? |
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We all are. We elect group officers to serve for short periods of time, perhaps three months to a year. In giving service to Al-Anon, as part of our recovery program, members volunteer to lead meetings, set up the room, display the literature and fill other group needs. Some service positions can be held by newcomers while others suggested to be held by more experienced members. |
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Is this a religious fellowship? |
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Al-Anon/Alateen is a spiritual fellowship, not a religious one. Members of any faith, or none at all, are welcome. It is against our traditions for an Al-Anon group to affiliate itself with specific religious beliefs. The Al-Anon program is based on the spiritual idea that we can depend on a "Power greater than ourselves", but each one of us is free to define that power in our own terms and in our own way. |
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Is Al-Anon a self-help program? |
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Yes, Al-Anon is a self-help program by non-professionals. We consider Al-Anon a mutual support group. As stated in the Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps: “The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems.” |
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What are the Twelve Steps? |
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"The twelve Steps are the essence of our program, the underlying principles upon which all recovery in Al-Anon is based. In a way, they are the "how to" guide that helps us find answers". (How Al-Anon Works). Click here to read more about the Twelve Steps. |
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What are the Twelve Traditions? |
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The Traditions bind us together in unity. They guide the groups in their relations with other groups, with AA, and the outside world. They recommend group attitudes toward leadership, membership, money, property, public relations, and anonymity. Click here to read more about the Twelve Traditions. |
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What is "Sharing" during a meeting? |
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When Al-Anon/Alateen members share their experience strength and hope with other members, when speakers share their story and tell how Al-Anon/Alateen has influenced their lives. They describe their experiences in trying to cope with their problems and tell how Al-Anon has helped. Sometimes the chairperson or leader will present a topic to help members focus their thoughts and discuss the subject as it applies to them. Some groups' meeting will ask that there be no cross talk during the meeting while members share. It is also suggested to "take what you like and leave the rest". Members do not have to share. There are no "musts" in Al-Anon. |
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What are "Slogans"? |
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Slogans serve as a gentle, calming reminders that our circumstances might not be as impossible or as desperate as they at first appear. These concise expressions of wisdom offer quick reassurance that we really are able to cope with whatever life brings, prompting us to take constructive action and to treat ourselves and others with compassion and respect. Even when we are too new to Al-Anon or too overwhelmed by our circumstances to recall on of the many Al-Anon principles that may apply, a simple slogan can put the entire situation into perspective. To see what are some of the Al-Anon/Alateen slogan, please go here. (How Al-Anon works..) |
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What is a sponsor? |
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A sponsor is a special person with whom a member can discuss personal problems or questions, and one who willingly shares the experience, strength, and hope of the Al-Anon/Alateen program. more... |
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Do I need to get a sponsor? |
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“There are no musts in Al-Anon/Alateen. Sponsorship is not required, but experience shows that sponsorship is a valuable aid to personal understanding and the use of the Al-Anon program of recovery.” - Sponsorship – What It’s All About more... |
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What does AFG mean? |
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AFG stands for Al-Anon Family Groups. Since alcoholism is a family disease, the Al-Anon Family Groups are organized to hold regular meetings to help people deal with the effects of alcoholism. |
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What does AC mean? |
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AC stands for Adult Child. This term refers to adults who were raised by someone who has/had a problem with alcohol. Meetings designated as “AC” often have a focus on this particular topic. |
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I Grow Up With a Problem Drinker, but I am adult now. Is Al-Anon for me? |
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Answer these questions to see if you are still affected today. If you answered yes to some of these question, Al-Anon can help. |
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A lot of Al-Anon events are held with AA, why? |
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Shared events are one way in which we cooperate with AA in line with our traditions – “Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems, of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Alcoholics Anonymous.”
(Tradition Six) |
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Besides Al-anon, what are my other options? |
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Because we are non-professional, we do not recommend sources of outside help. Through sharing of our personal experiences, members gain insight into dealing with their own situations. There are times when, in order to work through especially challenging circumstances, we may need more specialized help and support, such as therapy or legal counsel. |
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How does Al-Anon fit with other programs or help? |
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We consider Al-Anon to be a helpful solution for recovery to those who have been affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Some Al-Anon members may also be associated with other 12-step programs or professional help. Within meetings, our Traditions suggest that the groups devote themselves to Al-Anon’s principles and refrain from mentioning other programs or any other outside help. Reviewing our work in programs or therapy sessions dilutes the Al-Anon message and can deprive others of the unique help Al-Anon has to offer. |
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Does Al-Anon/Alateen have professional counselors or therapists? |
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Al-Anon offers a non-professional mutual support program of recovery. Some members may be professional counselors or therapists, but when they come to an Al-Anon meeting, they come for themselves and not as professionals. |
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How long will I have to attend Al-Anon? |
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There are no "have to’s" in Al-Anon only suggestions. Many Al-Anon members choose to work the Al-Anon program until they cannot any longer. Many of us keep coming back to Al-Anon even years after the main reason that first brought us to Al-Anon no longer exist. The Al-Anon program keeps working in our lives helping us through all of our ups and downs. For many it is a spiritual home, friendships are built, and as long as we keep coming back, we keep learning, changing and growing. Recovery in this program does not happen overnight and is a process that continues for as long as you want recovery. |
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Can Al-Anon/Alateen recommend treatment centers? |
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Because we are non-professional we do not recommend sources of outside help. Through sharing of our personal experiences, members gain insight into dealing with their own situations. |
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Al-Anon, You and alcoholism
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What is alcoholism? |
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It is a threefold disease affecting the body, the mind, and the spirit. One of the symptoms is an uncontrollable desire for alcohol. Additionally, the American Medical Association recognizes alcoholism as a disease that can be arrested but not cured. Since 1954, alcoholism has been recognized by the American Medical Association as a chronic, progressive disease. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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How do alcoholics affect families and friends? |
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As Bill W., cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous put it: "Any Family, wife and children, who have had to live with an alcoholic a number of years are bound to be rather neurotic and distorted themselves. They
can't help it". Alcoholism affect family and friends emotionally,
spiritually, and often physically. Without spiritual help, living with a problem drinker is too much for most of us. We become nervous, irritable, and resentful. Our thinking becomes confused, and our
perspectives distorted. Each of us has our own individual story, but we all understand as perhaps few others can. (Alcoholism, the Family Disease P-4)
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Will Al-Anon show me how to stop the alcoholic's drinking? |
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No. This is not Al-Anon's purpose; it is not possible to stop another person from drinking. However, Al-Anon can help you gain a new perspective of your situation and this may reduce your anxiety, confusion, and frustration about someone else's drinking. |
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Will Al-Anon tell me how to get my loved one sober? |
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We come to realize that we can’t control or change another person and that our efforts to do this only frustrate us and can even make situations worse. In Al-Anon, we learn to detach by taking the focus off the alcoholic and concentrating on our own healing. |
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Will you tell me how to get my spouse to stop drinking so much? |
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The problems of a person with a drinking problem do not lie in the bottle, but in the individual. His or her recovery cannot begin until sobriety is obtained. No one can do this for the alcoholic. The person must make his own choices if recovery is to occur on any permanent basis. “Anyone who has suffered from the effects of someone else’s drinking faces constant emotional strains and pressures, and needs help in relieving these. You will find relief, understanding, support, and warmhearted help in an Al-Anon Family Group. There you will, as one member put it, ‘learn to live again’”. - So You Love an Alcoholic |
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What can we do to help an alcoholic stop drinking? |
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By changing our own attitudes we provide a healthier environment for the whole family, including the alcoholic. This may give the alcoholic the opportunity to recognize the problem and seek help. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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Will our troubles be over if the alcoholic stops drinking? |
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Don't expect too much too soon. Progress from illness to health takes a long time, and not all problems are caused by alcoholism. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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Will we need Al-Anon after the alcoholic has stopped drinking? |
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Yes. The adjustment to sobriety can be aided by continuing to focus on ourselves and growing in Al-Anon. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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How can we help after the alcoholic stops drinking? |
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We can help by recovering from the effects of the family disease of alcoholism ourselves and being loving and understanding of the alcoholic. |
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Should I go to Al-Anon even if the alcoholic is no longer drinking? |
Top p |
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By all means! In Al-Anon we discover how the problem drinking of someone has affected our attitudes and behavior. We also learn how we can change our lives with a new sense of spiritual values and the help of other Al-Anon members. Most long-time Al-Anon members realize that they continue to benefit from Al-Anon whether the alcoholic continues to drink or not. For them, Al-Anon has become a way of life. |
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I am not living with an alcoholic, but I have problems, is Al-Anon for me? |
Top p |
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Al-Anon is for anyone suffering from the effects of someone else's drinking. |
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I grew up in an alcoholic home, can I attend Al-Anon? |
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Yes, Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of alcoholics. There are many Al-Anon members who are adult children of Alcoholics. |
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Does someone in your family or a close friend have a drinking problem? |
Top p |
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You are not alone. There are more than 18 million problem drinkers in the United States alone, and each one affects relatives, friends and co-workers, often creating in them a need for help. (Al-Anon, you and the Alcoholic P-2) |
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Does the alcoholic in a person’s life have to be a member of AA before that person goes to Al-Anon? |
Top p |
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No, many people come into Al-Anon whether or not the alcoholic is in recovery, attend AA meeting or not, or still an active drinker. |
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Are we sick, too? |
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It is well to remember that we have been affected by another person's alcoholism. We too can suffer physically, emotionally, and spiritually from the disease. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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Do you find most of the people in Al-Anon have the same frustrations? |
Top p |
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Yes. Even though people’s situations differ, fear, anger, resentment and loneliness are some of the common effects from the family disease of alcoholism. Many people in Al-Anon and Alateen have discovered that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. |
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Does Al-Anon have answers to such personal questions such as: If the alcoholic loved me, wouldn't the drinking stop? Did I cause the excessive drinking? Should I leave, or stay? |
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Rather than give advice, Al-Anon offers us the tools to solve our personal problems. You will be able to answer these questions for yourself as you learn to live by Al-Anon principles, and be guided each day by the Serenity Prayer. No one in Al-Anon can tell you what is the right answer for you, but answers will come as you continue to listen and share with other members, and work the Al-Anon program. |
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Does Al-Anon help parents whose children have a drinking problem? |
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Yes. In Al-Anon, members have a variety of relationships with the alcoholic. Sometimes it is a parent, teen or adult child, spouse/partner, sibling, grandparent or a friend. All members can offer and receive insight to recovering from the effects of this disease. |
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How can the family help an alcoholic? |
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By applying the Al-Anon principles to our lives, we can stop trying to reform the alcoholic, whom we cannot change, and put the focus on ourselves, whom we can change. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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How can we keep the alcoholic away from drinking companions? |
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We can't. (Alcoholism, The family disease P-4) |
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How do I know if another person is an alcoholic? |
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Only the other person can decide if they are an alcoholic. However, you may be suffering from the disease of alcoholism if you are bothered of affected by someone else’s drinking. You may feel confused, depressed, nervous, losing sleep, have overwhelming fears, feel sorry for yourself, take your frustrations out on others, be resentful, lie and try to cover up the drinking, be ashamed of your situation. |
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If I join an Al-Anon group, should I refrain from drinking? |
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Al-Anon membership does not require you to refrain from drinking. Whether or not you do is a personal decision. Discussing this at an Al-Anon meeting can help you decide what is right for you. |
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Does alcoholism result in cases of physical abuse toward adults and children in the family? |
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Yes, sometimes this is a result of alcoholism. As members grow and heal, sound decision-making skills are learned. We learn to protect ourselves physically as well as emotionally.
A SPECIAL WOR |
